As I grow older, time seems to go faster and faster. Will I be able to catch up with time... before I die? Or... Will I ONLY catch up with time after my death? That's only to tell in my next state of being.
Is time so important? Do I have to race with it? Or do I go with it gracefully? To follow? Or to run with it? I really don't know. I guess it's a mixture of both? As the saying goes: "Go with the flow." <--- or ---> ? Up or down? North? South? East? West? Anywhere in between? I don't know? I really don't know...
Those are some of the questions I've been wanting to know. And of course there are more. Why am I put here for? What do I really need to know? Where do I go from here (that is every time when I get on the crossroads)? What am I? Who AM I really? Why do I have strong psychic ability (well, I don't think I have all the psychic abilities, but knowing that I am sort of a psychic anyway)? Where does all these unnatural abilities come from? Sometimes, I even ask whether is there a real god? Damn... there are too many questions in me that are always left unanswered. Why is that so?
Sigh... To begin with... Why do I have so many questions too? My inner kid is really bursting out all over again. Wanting to come out so badly. Am I inhibiting him and depriving him of something? Indeed I am certain I am inhibited in MANY ways... Inhibited by meself, surroundings, people, rules, regulations... Worse that I'm backing in Singapore... Even more rules and regulations of DO's and DON'Ts... What more and I say? But to really laugh it all out?? See... I'm inhibiting meself again... I am not like my younger self which, if I laugh, I really laugh with no strings attach to it. I have to start searching deep within again. I am going to seek for a good environment, like the Himalayas' Temple's atmosphere to Ooommm all the way to feel and get back the vibration within. My energy have been really depleting and it's still going down, as things are not going smooth at all. I do not seek to the path of depression at all. Somehow, I feel I'm protected now. That's good, not like in the past, I feel too emotionally affected in many ways. O dear... to come and think about it now... Is it good or is it bad not to feel it?? DAMN IT..!!
Honestly, I am feeling SO tired, mentally, physically, and almost spiritually now. I heard from Liat, that Pamela is coming by Singapore!! Yay, I am so looking forward to seeing her soon. Anway, my whole being is undergoing so much of craziness now. I'm so mentally tired to deal with all this. To make things worse, my body is "breaking" down too.. Totally not helping at all. I've come to a point where I now say, I have "completed" all my main desires to be what I wanna be, and do what I wanna do. I feel now that my life is useless now, that I donno where to go, what to do in my life now. I should have died earlier... but somehow I didn't. This "continuation" of life that's meaningless now, is not going anywhere for me at all. Whatever I do now, wherever I go, will be meaningless. Even that I used to wanna work with kids... it's over, nursing... it's over... As I say... What now??
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